Realizing Memorial Day

Deciding to go out to Santa Monica Beach is always something I want to do, but this being a holiday weekend I wanted to go take in the sun and sights before the holiday crowd came on Sunday and Monday.

I discovered that the older I get the less I like large crowds. Well I was not able to avoid the crowd, but I knew that it would be worst the more we got into this holiday weekend.

After parking in the first parking lot right on the beach, we decided to walk back toward the Santa Monica Pier. It was a nice breeze on the beach and there were people everywhere. As we started to walk along the pier trying to decide where we will eat, we noticed a memorial down below, actually on the beach. It was at that moment when the real meaning and purpose of this holiday hit home for me.

The white crosses were for those lost in the war in Iraq, and the red crosses were for those lost in Afghanistan.

We decided to go down and take a closer look and there were names and pictures as well as an area where you could write what every you wanted in memory of our fallen troops. When I read the names and looked at the faces and read what had already been written there, I started to feel that pull at my heart and became a bit emotional. I found that there were many others there having the same experience.

This was actually the first time that I got it. I was living through this war, that we often try not to think about, because it is actually occurring on foreign soil. At first I was sad that so many lives were lost and so many families forever affected by it, and then I started to feel a sense of pride and gratitude. That is what I left with.

I was also grateful that whoever decided to put the memorial there did so. It reminded those that were on the beach to have fun in the sun,
why they really are able to celebrate this
day with such freedom.



















These are the names and it goes on and on. It makes these people more than just a casualty, it makes them human. Somebody's son, daughter, husband, wife, mother, father, or friend. It made you feel the sacrifice of so many people.









Memorial Day was originally called Decoration Day, when many women would decorate the grave sites of fallen soldiers. After the Civil War, there were said to be celebrations all over the country to mark the end of the war and to memorialize those that died.

A history professor from Yale University believes that the first observance of memorial day was in Charleston, South Carolina, where the was a prison camp for captured Union soldiers as well as a mass grave. After the hostilities of the Civil War, in 1865, formerly enslaved people exhumed the bodies from the mass graves and reinterred them into individual graves. They then put a fence around the grounds and called it a union graveyard.This was all finished in about ten days.

It was reported in the Charleston newspaper on May 1, 1865, that a crowd of approximately ten thousand people, predominantly black, gathered at this graveyard where there were sermons, singing, and picnics.

Many years later it was changed to Memorial Day and observed by all 50 states.

Dinghy Sailing at Marina del Rey

Yesterday a friend of mine and I decided to ride out to the beach. We first walked along Venice Beach, which is always entertaining and sometimes even a bit scary. We decided to go watch the sail boats and fisherman at Marina del Rey. There are always lots to see out there as well. The last time I was there I came upon a photo shoot which was not going so well. Mostly because it was quite windy as it was yesterday, and those that were helping the photographer did not seem prepared for the amount of wind and sand that they encountered. The model didn't seem that excited about it either. So I just sat back and watched them fumbled through it all as the egotistical photographer became quite annoyed.

However, on this day there were various sailboats in the harbor, then I noticed a small sailboat had capsized.


We were wondering how they were going to be able to get the boat right-side up and continue on, but they did. As we were watching all of this we noticed that there were about four other sail boats of the same small size in the harbor, but this was different from any sailing that I had ever seen. It appeared as though the passengers in the boat often shifted themselves from one side of the vessel to the other. They used their bodies in the turning of the boat and immediately shifted to the other side of the boat after the turn and leaned backwards toward the water over the side.

We then realized that if this was not done with a certain precision the boat would become unsteady and turn over. I was thinking that this was way too much work for any kind of enjoyment, but often times this is so with various sports.

Dinghy Sailing is the name of this sport and it was at times painful to watch. One young couple spent more time in the water than on the boat itself. At one point the coast guard came to help them by pulling the boat to aid in flipping it back to the right side, so this couple could continue on.



Well that they did. It was intriguing to watch but nothing that I would want to do. It looked quite difficult













Changing sides and leaning to keep the boat afloat gives one the impression of the needed dedication and skill.





I had never seen this done before, even though I have seen many sailboats in the past. I have met sailors that sailed in the Atlantic Ocean in Savannah, Ga. as well as in the Gulf while I lived in Tampa, Fl. but I had never seen dinghy sailing.

Legal Scam by the Sprint Corporation

Today I went to the Sprint store on Van Nuys Blvd. and no I was not a happy camper. I was in there just about a week ago because I have had many problems with my Samsung Instinct. I have the first edition of this phone and because of the same problems they gave me a refurbished phone against my wishes back in September, as though my wishes mattered.

Often times we have no choice in the matter unless we decided to cancel the service and go to another mobile company. I am always hesitant to do that because I don't feel that any of these companies give good customer service. Even with such a tough economy they do less and less for their customers.

When I got the refurbished phone I was told by the manager, who had been there for awhile, that the warranty was the same as a new phone. Last week I was told that the warranty was only 6 months on a refurbished phone. Now you know I am livid at this time, because I was just about two months past the warranty, due to the fact that I had two major surgeries in a four month span and was not able to go back until now, also knowing that I had 12 months worth of warranty. I was eligible for an upgrade but didn't want to spend the money on a new phone because I have been out on disability for almost a year. It just was not a necessary expense. I just wanted a phone that worked the way it was suppose to. I don't think it is too much to ask for one to get what they paid for. Obviously that is in fact too much to ask for.

So today I was forced to upgrade and add another 300 dollars to my bill, because the phone was not working at all. Needless to say again I am not happy.

Of course again they tell me that I have thirty days to see if I like the phone or not, but if I don't like it and decided to bring it back they will give me another new phone. But here is the catch, if I don't get the same model, then I will have to pay a 35 dollar restocking fee. So tell me if for some reason I don't like the phone, then why would I get the same model. Do they really think the consumer is that stupid. I get it, they just don't care, whether we are happy with their product or their service.

I feel the need for the cell phone because I live on the west coast and all of my family including my daughter lives on the east coast. As always a telephone has become a necessity, since I no longer have a home phone.

Now here is another way to screw with the consumer. There is a 100 dollar mail in rebate on the phone, but in the fine print it says that I must write my name as well as the other pertinent information in all capitol letters. Now who normally writes their name in all capital letters.

This is a reason that they will wait four months to return the rebate form telling you that the rebate was not accepted because it did not meet the guidelines provided. Now I say four months because they will wait just enough time for the rebate to have expired before they inform you of this error.

It is so annoying to me to be a slave to this system of capitalism or should I just call it was it is, another way to stick it to the working class. Another way to LEGALLY SCAM the little guy.

What would a company look like that genuinely cares about it's customers and treat them the way they would want to be treated. We probably would not recognize it if we saw it, because we would think it was a SCAM.

Straddling That Threshold

Why does it take sickness or near death experiences for us to wake up and see what is really important in this life. There are many people that do not wake up even then. I know of a woman that had cancer and even had to have a bone marrow transplant and she didn't change at all. She was still her insecure, jealous, and bitter self. How did she find the time and energy to hold on to that. I know another man that had a bout with prostate cancer and when he finished almost a year of treatment, he went back to his deceptive and greedy ways. Then there are those like myself that just get tired of the status quo and want something that is more meaningful in their lives. I say it is maturity, but others may think it is crazy. My problem is I don't know exactly how to let go of the old life and embrace the new one. So I am straddling the threshold, which is quite miserable. This is the time when I realize I just have to let go and let God. Anyone that has been here knows just how hard that is.

The Allure of Newsstands.

One of the first things I fell in love with when I moved to California was the many newsstands that are scattered throughout the city. The first one I encountered was in Hollywood on Cahuenga. It reminded me so much of New York. I am an avid reader of everything and anything that I can get my hands on. There are not any newsstands in my hometown of Savannah, Ga. , at least not any more. There was one in the downtown area, but I don't remember them carrying any of the international magazines. It was located on Drayton Street right off of Broughton Street, but it is long gone now.

The newsstand shown above is in San Fernando Valley on the corner of Van Nuys Blvd. and Ventura Blvd. It is one that I go to quite often even though Borders Books is right down the street in the same block. Often times the newsstand will have the newest magazines before the bookstore. However, I go to both quite often. I order my books from Amazon because I get a better price, even with the coupons offered by Borders. I love just browsing the shelves and seeing what is new out there.
There is now an electronic newsstand, which is good if you are looking for a particular periodical that you can't find anywhere. Nothing beats going to your neighborhood newsstand, seeing the proprietor often and he knows your name.

When I am in a city and I find newsstands their inventory usually gives me some idea of the diversity of that city. Even more so about the neighborhood of which it is located. At the newsstand above you will find your array of national newspapers and a great deal of latin magazines. There are also many  magazines on Yoga and holistic health. Ventura Boulevard is lines with Vegan Restaurants, Yoga Studios, Acupuncturist, etc.

 The newsstand on the corner of  Cahuenga and Hollywood Blvd.,  there is a large section of magazines on film, photography, videography, also a large selection of international newspapers in many languages. It is quite interesting.
 You will be in another area and find a great deal of Russian or Asian newspapers and magazines.
It is amazing what gives you insight to the demographics of an area.

 These are the things that really draw me to large cities such as Los Angeles and New York. The different ethnic groups,experiencing  their culture and food in such an authentic way. Often times I feel like a stranger in these neighborhoods and wonder how I would feel  if I were visiting these cultures abroad.

This Baby was in pain.

I went to the Los Angeles Equestrian Club yesterday and totally enjoyed myself. I watched a few horse shows taking place outside as well as inside the arena.

I came across this little horse that looked like a wounded puppy. He was in fact hurting in more ways than one. As I approached the pen, he was on the opposite side from me, so I decided to stick my camera lens through the bars to photograph him. I did get the first shot that way, but after that he started to walk toward me, slowly of course and with conscious precision. That is when I discovered that he was barely putting his right foot on the ground, realizing that he was hurt. When he approached me, he put his nose through the bars as a dog would when they want you to pet them. I was a little hesitant at first, because horses will bite you and this was an unfamiliar horse, and he was hurt.



So I started to talk to him and he continued to push his nose through the bars. So I decided to take a chance but putting my hand in further down from his mouth and rubbing his neck. Thinking if he made a quick move toward my hand, I would have time to snatch it back. But he didn't do that and I continued to rubbed and touch him from his neck and finally to his jaw and nose. He just wanted some love because he was in pain. Is that not familiar! I continued to rub him and talk to him and he was really calm. It actually felt good to give him that attention, I wish that I could have spent more time with him . Again he was unfamiliar to me, so I moved on after awhile.




I was surprised to see William Shatner there participating in one of the horse shows, but I discovered that he was the one promoting the show. I was aware that he was putting on a charity event at the club later that afternoon. I was able to get a few photos of him.

How Many Ways Do We Victimize Our Children?

When I think about all of the injustices in this world, it really just makes me sick to my stomach. But I often feel helpless in these situations because I don’t feel equipped or without enough black marks on my own life that could either land me in lot of trouble somewhere or embarrass me. Well it is not enough to stop me for sure, but I don’t even know where to start.
I am going to start by reading about children advocacy and see where that takes me. I feel like there is something that I can do and something I need to do for the sake of children in this world. They are victimized in so many ways. How do we stop this, where do we start? I guess that is the question on the minds of many of us. There are so many children that are victimized within the family structure, as well as outside of it.



As I am writing this, I look over and there is a picture of my late grandmother sitting on my pc laptop, which is open for quick use. It reminds me that my grandmother took in, or a tleast kept track of a young boy whose mother was an alcoholic. He was a couple of years younger than my father, who tells me that he and Smithy had been friends since he was six years old.
Smithy spent many nights at my grandmother’s house and on family vacations with them. My dad always talked about when they would sit down to dinner he and Smithy would sit and eat, they would drink a quart of milk each at one sitting. My grandmother told me that when she ordered milk from the milk man, which came in glass bottles at that time and delivered to your door, she would always order enough so Smithy would have exactly what my dad had.
I don’t know the extent of how she cared for Smithy, but I do know as an adult Smithy thanked her, and often said he would probably be dead if it was not for my grandmother.

This is what is lacking in our society, people, caring for others. There was a time when you didn’t have to be family or blood related to help others in their times of need. Others would see a young mother struggling and step in to help, with whatever they had to offer. Sometimes that may have just been guidance. We are so into our own little worlds these days, and we shut out what is going on around us, so we don’t have feel, we become emotionally disconnected from the pain of our fellow man. I have been guilty, as I think most people have, because we don’t think that we can make enough of a difference. We are afraid to get too involved because then we will lose focus on what we want and believe we need in this life.

We all have seen too any cases where the children in our society are abused and/or neglected, and end up in the foster care system. Many times these kids are placed again in abusive situation, and sometimes are lost in that system. We have read those stories where these kids end up dead in our system. There were a couple of cases in Florida when I lived there, that was beyond appalling. One such case was a toddler had been dead almost a year before her case worker realized that she was missing. Another, when two young kids were placed in the custody of their uncle after their mother's death to discovered that he had been sexually molesting the little girl for about four years, and had started on the little boy. After he was seen with the two children by a lady that knew his history called the authorities. It was discovered that this uncle had been convicted and served time for child molestation in another state. These two children were actually wards of the state of Florida, but the authorities allowed the uncle to care for them, without a complete and thorough background check. How did they not know this man's criminal history before allowing him to take these two young children.

After these cases the state of Florida was definitely under attack, rightfully so, and a number of people lost their jobs. However, no state is adequately staffed for the growing number of neglected children entering the system. I always wondered what could be done, and I had thought if regular citizens could volunteer to help with the overload, how could they be certified to do the job and do it well.

Well there is a program in place to do just that. It is called CASA, Court Appointed Special Advocates. . If many of our youth that are serving life sentences in prison had someone there for them, many of them would not be in jail.

The young woman in the video above, Sara Kruzman, would have been one of those children that would have definitely benefited from having a child advocate. Her mother was on drugs so she found that home in Gigi, who was a pimp. Now she will spend the rest of her natural life in prison for fighting back. She is again victimized by the system.

Where is Home for you?

I have been having a great deal of dreams about my hometown lately. I don't know what it is all about, but it is a great deal better than the nightmares that I have been having for the past month due to percocet of which I have been taking after surgery.
I have been reconnecting with old friends via facebook and it has been wonderful.

I am from Savannah, Georgia, which is an absolutely beautiful city, but I never felt it was a place for the upwardly mobile. The glass ceiling is definitely visible. Therefore most of my friends moved away after high school and never returned. However I did return for a few years and never felt good about being there. I always felt stagnated. So I left again. Now that I am getting older I feel a pull back home. Maybe it is just that I have been reconnecting with those from home and miss the days long gone.

My parents are still in Savannah and they are getting older, so I am sure that the day will come when I will return, but it is not today. I am grateful that my parents are still in good health and doing well, as am I.

Maybe it is just time for an extended visit.

Where is home for you? Do you still feel connected? Why?

The President in Savannah, Ga.

Savannah residents were extremely excited on Tuesday when President Barack Obama visited the city. He was doing what he said that he wanted to do and that is to bring big government to the working class and find out what their needs and expectations are. He also does this to keep in touch with why he ran for office. He didn't come to see the dignitaries of the city, he came to see and be seen by those people that he is working hard for in his administration. He made four stops in the city that proved imperative . Even though his hands are tied in many issues, because politics is what it is, Politics, he is working as hard as he can to do what he thinks is right.


President Obama realizes the importance of tackling the high school dropout rate in this country and how important it is for these young people to find their gifts and be able to become productive, for themselves as well as for their country. His visit to Savannah Vocational School showed the students there, some of them high school dropouts, that what they are doing is just as important to this nation as the students with college degrees. This technical school has programs that teach skills for the green energy jobs, and that showed them that they are the future of this country.





Jack Kingston, a Republican congressman from Ga. hitched a ride back to DC with President Obama, against the judgement of many of his constituents. Obama did not carry the state of Georgia during his election, which was not a surprise to me, but a disappointment. It is still the mentality of the Old South, and that is unfortunate. Due to the reception that he received on his visit to the city, there are a number of people that did vote for him, but not enough for him to carry the state. It is great that the attitude of the old south didn't taint the enthusiasm of the others.

How is Desiree Rogers responsible for a SECURITY BREECH -not her job

Mrs. Roger's job is Social Secretary not Security Secretary. How in the world could the security breech of the state dinner, where there were two party crashers that was waved through by more than one security check point be the responsibility of the party planner. I was really expecting to see secret service head roll, but that is not what happened. I wonder why it didn't, because it definitely should have been a myriad of pink slips floating in the air. Instead the pressure is on the Social Secretary.

It is obviously that there is a great deal more going on here. From where I stand, she did a great job for which she was hired. The President and the First Lady wanted to make the White House, the people's house and that is exactly what happened. The First Family was more accessible to those that voted him in office and not just to dignitaries. They hosted school children quite often even planting a garden that is maintained by school children. The list goes on and on. It appears as though this is more of 'crashing of egos' than anything else. The question is whose egos are crashing.

Who would she have actually rub the wrong way? Who would be jealous of the job she has done so well, and by the way looked fabulous doing?

Even though I am very proud of the woman that I see, I can't vouch for her character, because well I don't know her. Is there something in her character that makes her less attractive? I am sure there is still a great deal left to be said, but the problem will be the sources, and our only source is the media, and we know how they sensationalize everything, especially when there is a victim.

So I expect to see her character attacked in the weeks following her actually departure from the White House, because the security breech just could not possibly be the reason.

Bill Withers-The Music Man

Still Bill Trailer from B-Side Entertainment on Vimeo.

Bill Withers has made music that transcends race and time, which is obvious by how much his music is played today. He was born William Harrison Withers on July 4th, 1938. Yes Independence Day, not surprising for a man that was definitely an independent thinker, true to himself and what he believes in.

It was during his nine year stint in the U.S. Navy that he decided to pursue a musical career, and upon discharge, he moved to Los Angeles, California. In 1971 he debut with " Ain't No Sunshine" which was an immediate success, but he refused to quit his day job.

In 1971, 1981, and 1987 he won a Grammy Award for the same category, 'Best Rythm and Blues Song'. Then he dropped out of site.

There were quite a few of us that wondered why Bill drop out of view. After listening to his being interviewed on the Jesse Thorn Radio Show, I now know.

Bill basically talked about the demands of being a performer and that there were some real mean people in the business, he called them "cold pimps". He said that there is a poem that he always kept in his head;

The Manager's son goes to Yale
The Blues Man's son goes to Jail

As he expressed in this interview, he had responsibilities that required that he be available.


Below is the interview with Bill Withers and Jesse Thorn.

The Sound of Young America

michael explains

We are the World 25 year Annivesary

You be the judge.




OK OK It is great to see all of that Old School Talent.

Civil Rights and Bob Dylan

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductee has been instrumental in social change since the 1960's with his folk music. He was born Robert Allen Zimmerman on May 24, 1941 in Duluth, Minnesota.

At the age of six, his father was stuck with Polio and the family moved to Hibbing, Minnesota, a small but close-knit Jewish community where his mother was from. He spent most of his youth listening to the radio and fell in love with music, at the time it was rock and roll.

When he entered the University of Minnesota, he decided that rock and roll was not enough for him and turned to folk music. He wanted to write and sing songs that reflected life, with all its pain and deep emotions. He wanted to tell these stories. It was at this time that he started to introduce himself as Bob Dylan.

In 1963 Dylan was very active in the Civil Rights Movement, when he was to appear on the Ed Sullivan Show, and because of his politics and the song that he wanted to sing on the show "Talkin' John Birch Paranoid Blues" CBS Television believed it to be slanderous against the John Birch Society, so instead of being censored, he refuse to appear on the show.

Of course this got him a great deal of attention.

In August of 1963, Dylan and his partner Baez sang songs from his third album " The Times They Are A-Changin", at the March on Washington.
On this album were songs like, " Only A Pawn in Their Game", which addressed the death of Medger Evers; "The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll" about the death of a black barmaid at the hands of a white socialite; and many others that carried strong political messages.
He also recorded this song,

" The Death of Emmit Tillman"

By the end of that year the pressure and tension of his activism had taken his told and the music changed.

Cooking Again -Daughter Home from College

I use to really enjoying cooking and trying new recipes, but since I now live alone, I don't cook so much anymore. I do love good food though. Since my daughter has been out here visiting I have been cooking more. I guess that is just what mothers do when their children are around. My daughter is 23 years old so maybe she should be cooking for me, but that is not how it normally works I guess. Besides she loves it when I cook and when we are able to try out new things. Just maybe I will keep it up once she is gone back to college.

Why Do We Allow the Media to Manipulate?

It amazes me how we hold others to standards that we are not even able to live up to, especially those people whose lives are in the spotlight. I know in many ways we are supporting the careers of many of these people but does it also give us the right to tear them down?
We are supporting their work, their gifts, and their talents. Yes we want to know more about them as people, but when we find out that they are flawed we treat them like they have the plague, and that is not fair at all. Hell we are all flawed, some of us more so than others. I guess the old adage still applies that misery loves company, even when it is someone that we don't really know. I think part of it is that these people's lives are always plastered in the media so we feel that we know them, but we don't, there is always more to them whether good or bad that is not in the media. There is often more to those that we are closest too than we know. I have friends that have passed on that I am still finding out things about.

We forget that they are still people with the same feelings, emotions, hang-ups, and flaws as all of us. They have families, bad days, disappointments, and tragedies in their lives just like the rest of us and they deal with these things just as we do. We have the tendency to see them as bigger than life and what we consider role models, but when we see their flaws we immediately want to dismiss them.
Remember as a kid when you could not imagine your first grade teacher going to the bathroom. I do. The thought of my beautiful teacher, that commanded respect and attention in the classroom, and always knew the right thing to do for us as students and small children, could possible be sitting on the toilet. Right, too much to imagine, huh. There was also a time in your life when you could not imagine your own mother and father having sex.
My point is that we put people on pedestals because of what they bring to our lives, and yes there are some build their own pedastal, but those people fall off their self-made pedestal faster than others.
Then we grow up and realize that that teacher is just a person with bodily functions like the rest of us, that experiences that same things that we do, and we let those fantasies go. Well it is time to let those fantasies go when it come to public figures.
It is great for your children to look up to some of these people, but merely as a figure that has made some accomplishments that they too want to make, or as a person that has realized their dream regardless of the many obstacles or not; but not as a god.

Most will tell you that there are no overnight successes. There was a great deal of hard work and anguish that went into realizing their dream long before we ever knew they existed. When you really look into the past experiences of our celebrities, many slept in cars, a friends couch, lived on roman noodles or soup, that is because they never gave up and that is what you want your children to learn, to never give up on your dreams.
It is time for us to back off and not allow the media to control us. We need to give the same respect to others that we would want to receive. It has to be hard enough to have your life plastered in the media for everyone to see and judge.

Your Adult Children

It is a great feeling to see your kids grow into adults and make good decisions for their life. For a great deal of parents that is not the case and have to constantly worry about their children and their choices. Some of these situations are more traumatic than others. My daughter is not a perfect child, but she has definitely been a good one. One would like to think it is due to good parenting, and most often it is, but there are times when one is parented well and still make bad decisions. Decisions that potentially devastate their lives and rob them of their youth.

When you do have a child that turns out healthy and emotionally stable then you are truly blessed as a parent. It is definitely the hardest job that I ever had, but it has been the most rewarding one.
My daughter is about to graduate from college and for that accomplishment I am grateful. During the time of her college days, that are not quite over, she still made me proud. No the grades were not always her absolute best and there were trying times with her walking the line in making decisions for her life. I also remember those times and they are probably the hardest that I ever had to go through. Those are the years when you are growing into your own and those growing pains can be debilitating. You are faced with so many roads to take and you just don't know which one is right for you. I believe that is mostly because you don't know yourself well enough to know what it is you want and that is frustrating in its own right. Through it all she continues to surprise me and make me proud.

My daughter is now a woman and that is hard for a mother, knowing that your influence on your child is not as strong as it once was. And then you are surprised, because you realize that your voice is now in their head.

The Patch - Improved Quality of Life

I realize that menopause and often times major surgery as a hysterectomy of some degree is a definite turning point in a women's life. As much as I don't like or trust FDA approved anything, especially drugs and even food, I realize now that the quality of my life takes priority. This is why I decided to take the estrogen patch. I chose the patch mostly because of what my doctor didn't say.

We know that there are various ways for a woman to take estrogen, orally, in patch form, suppositories and even creams. The last two I thought would be too much trouble, and I figured that the pill would be just easier, but when my doctor explained to me that the pill would be fine provided I have never had any problems with my liver, I immediately felt that interaction with my liver should be something to avoid. This is why I opted for the patch. I realize that once you damage your liver there is really no turning back. I also realized that I am not going to have to take hormone replacement forever, probably just for 2-4 years.

For now, it has definitely improved my quality of life and for that I am grateful. I now realize that it is not always smart to fight things without personal experience. That doesn't mean that you need personal experience with everything, but I do realize that there are things you just need to experience for yourself.
I can now be the poster child for this estrogen patch.

Now it is just a matter of my continual physical recovery from the surgery itself. I have been told that it takes a great deal longer for the internal scars to heal than those on the outside. So I will do as I am told and take it easy by listening to my body and adjusting things in my life accordingly. I want to have a full recovery and I expect a full recovery. As hard headed as I am, I have been heeding the advice of my doctor as well as those who has had this surgery before me.

Can you sho' me the drugs!

Well that is exactly where I am three weeks after my surgery. I have been able to handle being here alone, merely moving from the bed, to the bathroom, and finally to the sofa. The lost of appetite, phantom cycle, and the daily misery has all been topped off with not being able to sleep more than two hours at a time. Often times it is 20-30 minutes at any given time. So this means that my body is not getting the rest it needs to heal, but in spite of that my doctor says that I am healing well.

Exactly three weeks after my surgery, the lack of hormones took a turn for the worst. The night before I had the worst night sweats ever. Waking up twice drenched in sweat. This was absolutely more than I was willing to deal with. So I already knew that it was not going to be a good day. Well I was right. I started to feel even more miserable than normal, and felt as though I was falling into a depression. I am just laying on the sofa fighting back tears that want to flow for no apparent reason. Starting to really regret even having this surgery. Asking myself, what have I done to my body? What have I done to my life? Will I ever be the same again? Then there were thoughts of my just wanting to lay there and die. No there were not any suicidal thoughts, but I just wanted it to end, to stop. Then the tears came at full force, and there was no control.
I called my friend in Chicago, who was here to care for me immediately after surgery, and her compassion was unbelievable. She just allowed me to cry, and eventually I stopped and was able to tell her what I was feeling and how bad it had been all day. Then I got a returned call from my doctor, who had just gotten out of surgery at a nearby hospital. She apologizes for not calling me earlier in the day and brought me a prescription for hormone replacement therapy to my house on her way home. I decided the patch would probably be better for me.

Now I was really trying to avoid having to take any type of hormone replacement because of all that has been implicated about these synthetic hormones, but I knew that I was in a place where I needed to do something and I could not do this on my own.

Two weeks after surgery

I am on my own again. My friend just got the shuttle to the Burbank Airport to head back to Chicago, and I miss her already. She is getting back home so that she can get some rest before going back to work. Her taking care of me after my surgery was more work than either of us thought it would be. I was watching her cook and wash dishes in what seemed like an endless cycle. She is also very sensitive to my neat-freak ways and tried to accommodate those as well. She was nothing short of wonderful, generous, and gracious; and I feel truly honored to have her in my life. She cooked for me, she cleaned for me, she cleaned up after me, she attended to my every need. We laughed, we cried, and we talked for hours, at least that was the first few days after being released from the hospital. Then the misery set in.

I ended up with a sinus infection on top of everything else, so now I am taking a really strong antibiotic, pain medication, as well as an inhaler to get the mucous out of my lungs. These things were the constant struggles, and then I started to lose my appetite, but I needed to eat something because of all of the medication I was taking, but after two bites of anything, it appeared to swell in my mouth, too large to swallow. So of course I am feeling really sick at this point.

Did I mention that everything I ate gave me gas, absolutely everything, Oh yes I did the constipation dance as well. So can you imagine how my body tensed up with these two things. Not to mention the pain that shoots through, around, and across one's poor broken body.

To top it all of, you are not going to believe this. I have the phanton period (menstrual cylcle). Now where is that coming from. lol
Can you tell me what misery is all about, I think I got it thank you.