Tuesday, November 3, 2009 | By: Tonya Keitt Kalule

What Niceties Did You Learn From Your Ex

Can you look back through all of the hurt and pain of a difficult marriage and then a divorce.


Usually it is not all bad, but what are some of the things that you learned other than the hard lessons of merging two very different lives together. Besides the facts that you both had two different value systems, or maybe it was the moral issues that ripped you apart.
I would definitely hope that you have learned a great deal from those hard lessons.

What else did you learn? Tonight I had fleeting thoughts of what little habits have change with me since I met this man that I committed my life to. They are very small things but they are things that I didn't do or consider before.

I now cook my rice with coconut milk and cinnamon sticks. It is the tastiest white rice that I have ever had. I now use only basmati rice instead of the long grain rice that I grew up with.


I now love the taste of avocado, however I still don't like the guacamole that I have come across so far. I have been told though if I ever eat some good guacamole in Mexico, I would change my mind. Now I can slice an avocado and eat it alone. It is amazingly good for you; the good oils.

I can now differentiate between Swahili and other African languages when I hear it spoken on the streets. My husband spoke both Swahili and Luganda fluently, so I know those two when I hear them.

Unfortunately I also learned to be a bit prejudice, which I am not going to divulge because I pray that God removes that from my heart.

5 comments:

Ava said...

That is so very interesting. I have to sit down and put some deep thought into this. Exactly what did I learn? You don't always come away with just negative things. Thinking about it this way makes it feel more worthwhile and not just a waste of time. I love this blog. Thanks for sharing.

Tonya Keitt Kalule said...

Life's experiences are never a waste of time, sometimes we feel the people we had those experiences with are a waste of time. Growth from the experience alone is worthwhile, but there are usually other things that has enriched our lives.

Glad you found it interesting. It does have a way lifting the weight of those tough lessons.

Tonya Keitt Kalule said...

Life's experiences are never a waste of time, sometimes we feel the people we had those experiences with are a waste of time. Growth from the experience alone is worthwhile, but there are usually other things that has enriched our lives.

Glad you found it interesting. It does have a way lifting the weight of those tough lessons.

Sankofa said...

While I do not have an ex, I enjoyed getting this insight! I would be interested to see other comments. I must admit I can't say I have heard the niceties list (gained from an ex). I have heard tons of comments about the marriage that ended, and how the former spouse was noooooo good.
I am pondering...
Does that mean the experience was so very painful it is hard to see it from another perspective? Does it cause one to question their decision to end the union, if it is possible to see some good, in retrospect? Does it reinforce the decision to see the entire experience as not nice?
I am curious. What do you think?

Tonya Keitt Kalule said...

I would love to hear other comments on this as well. I have been able to look at this situation from another perspective. As a matter of fact I did that throughout the marriage, which is why it lasted as long as it did. I then realized that there we actually some thing that I can learn from this, but I am still looking through the lens of my own life experiences, because I don't know all if his, just what he has told me.
I discovered that there is no logical explanation for illogical behavior.
I have this habit of always looking for the good in people and in an abusive situation that can be dangerous

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