I am on my own again. My friend just got the shuttle to the Burbank Airport to head back to Chicago, and I miss her already. She is getting back home so that she can get some rest before going back to work. Her taking care of me after my surgery was more work than either of us thought it would be. I was watching her cook and wash dishes in what seemed like an endless cycle. She is also very sensitive to my neat-freak ways and tried to accommodate those as well. She was nothing short of wonderful, generous, and gracious; and I feel truly honored to have her in my life. She cooked for me, she cleaned for me, she cleaned up after me, she attended to my every need. We laughed, we cried, and we talked for hours, at least that was the first few days after being released from the hospital. Then the misery set in.
I ended up with a sinus infection on top of everything else, so now I am taking a really strong antibiotic, pain medication, as well as an inhaler to get the mucous out of my lungs. These things were the constant struggles, and then I started to lose my appetite, but I needed to eat something because of all of the medication I was taking, but after two bites of anything, it appeared to swell in my mouth, too large to swallow. So of course I am feeling really sick at this point.
Did I mention that everything I ate gave me gas, absolutely everything, Oh yes I did the constipation dance as well. So can you imagine how my body tensed up with these two things. Not to mention the pain that shoots through, around, and across one's poor broken body.
To top it all of, you are not going to believe this. I have the phanton period (menstrual cylcle). Now where is that coming from. lol
Can you tell me what misery is all about, I think I got it thank you.
Friday, November 27, 2009
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By:
Tonya Keitt Kalule
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
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By:
Tonya Keitt Kalule
It has been 10 years
Today is my godson's birthday, he turns 30 years old. Now that makes me feel really old. His mother gave birth to him when I was in my freshman year of college and I have adored him from that moment to this one.
He grew up a fine young man and after high school he decided to go into the Marines. He left boot camp in Paris Island, South Carolina and was sent to California and he was really homesick. He came back to Savannah every chance he got. On one of those visits he met with some of his high school friends and they all went to a Greek Fraternity step-show at the local college there, Savannah State. Of course they were all college age, 20, and only one was in college and that was his best friend.
Following the step-show, they stopped at a local liquor store to buy a few beers and some other alcohol, because after all my godson was a military man, with a car, and they were just hanging out together. None of them were of legal drinking age. They were now headed to another party and as so many teenagers do they decided to race with some guys that were in another car.
As they picked up speed they came upon a sharp curve in the road and they hit a tree at the rate of 60 mph. I I didn't get the call until the next morning, and it was a call you never want to get, but I can only imagine what his mother felt when she got the call in the middle of the night.
He was in a coma and had broken his pelvic and his leg. They drilled a hole in his skull to release the pressure,. There was cerebral swelling and bleeding.
His best friend who was in the front passenger seat died instantly and had to be removed from the car with the 'jaws of life'. There was also a passenger in the back seat that had only sustained minor injuries.
I rushed to the hospital when his mother called me and she was afraid that I may not be able to handle seeing him in this condition. I am always pretty good under pressure and fall apart after the fact. It was really hard to see him fighting for his life.
A few days later they told his mother that he had no more brain activity and she need to get the family together and consider removing him from life support.
Thank God that she refuse to remove life support, because a few weeks later he came out of the coma, but had sustained quite a bit of damage to his brain and would never be the same. He had to learn to talk and walk all over again, and he only remembered a handful of people, but I was one of those that he did remember. At first he didn't even remember his grandmother.
He went through intense physical therapy and had to be taught again as though he was a toddler.
He has since fully recovered physically, but his mental capability will forever remain that of a 15 year old.
He is still the sweetest and most loving child that I have had the good fortune to love and have love me.
Friday, November 6, 2009
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By:
Tonya Keitt Kalule
Slice and Dice Time
Next week this time I would have been sliced into like a baked potato. Too bad they can't do a little bit of a tummy tuck while they are there. I had some of my readers that know me personally wanting me to post information concerning my surgery. It was a bit hard for me to imagine doing this at first because I come from that good southern family where some things should remain hush hush. I do realize that I am not the first nor the last to ever have this kind of surgery so I have decided that I will give the details without the blood and gore.
Due to the rapid growth of a recently discovered fibroid tumor I am having a hysterectomy. This fibroid is in my uterus and the size of a 16 week fetus. Can you imagine that. Since I am almost fifty years old my doctor and I decided that I should have a total hysterectomy. She told me that I only had a couple of years before my ovaries stopped working anyway, so get rid of them. On a more serious note, she stated that about half of the time she has had to go back and remove them later, so we are going to do a one for all here.
I look at the entire thing as a midlife tune-up, removing those parts that are starting to cause trouble so that they can't cause any more problems. Yes it is a major surgery, but I believe that things are going to be so much better after I am healed.
The concern at this point is if hormone replacement therapy will be necessary. My doctor doesn't seem to think so because I am in pretty good health. Right now my menopausal symptoms are pretty mild and if they don't become severe then I will handle it all holistically. I am not one to take a great deal of synthetic anything. So I will look for foods and herbs that act like hormones.
My family and friends have been great and I know that all will be fine. No, I am not afraid about the surgery, more or less I have been a bit anxious of all surrounding the surgery. Mostly because I have never had surgery before and am not use to being sick, and I am already not liking it too well.
Due to the rapid growth of a recently discovered fibroid tumor I am having a hysterectomy. This fibroid is in my uterus and the size of a 16 week fetus. Can you imagine that. Since I am almost fifty years old my doctor and I decided that I should have a total hysterectomy. She told me that I only had a couple of years before my ovaries stopped working anyway, so get rid of them. On a more serious note, she stated that about half of the time she has had to go back and remove them later, so we are going to do a one for all here.
I look at the entire thing as a midlife tune-up, removing those parts that are starting to cause trouble so that they can't cause any more problems. Yes it is a major surgery, but I believe that things are going to be so much better after I am healed.
The concern at this point is if hormone replacement therapy will be necessary. My doctor doesn't seem to think so because I am in pretty good health. Right now my menopausal symptoms are pretty mild and if they don't become severe then I will handle it all holistically. I am not one to take a great deal of synthetic anything. So I will look for foods and herbs that act like hormones.
My family and friends have been great and I know that all will be fine. No, I am not afraid about the surgery, more or less I have been a bit anxious of all surrounding the surgery. Mostly because I have never had surgery before and am not use to being sick, and I am already not liking it too well.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
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By:
Tonya Keitt Kalule
What Niceties Did You Learn From Your Ex
Can you look back through all of the hurt and pain of a difficult marriage and then a divorce.
Usually it is not all bad, but what are some of the things that you learned other than the hard lessons of merging two very different lives together. Besides the facts that you both had two different value systems, or maybe it was the moral issues that ripped you apart.
I would definitely hope that you have learned a great deal from those hard lessons.
What else did you learn? Tonight I had fleeting thoughts of what little habits have change with me since I met this man that I committed my life to. They are very small things but they are things that I didn't do or consider before.
I now cook my rice with coconut milk and cinnamon sticks. It is the tastiest white rice that I have ever had. I now use only basmati rice instead of the long grain rice that I grew up with.
I now love the taste of avocado, however I still don't like the guacamole that I have come across so far. I have been told though if I ever eat some good guacamole in Mexico, I would change my mind. Now I can slice an avocado and eat it alone. It is amazingly good for you; the good oils.
I can now differentiate between Swahili and other African languages when I hear it spoken on the streets. My husband spoke both Swahili and Luganda fluently, so I know those two when I hear them.
Unfortunately I also learned to be a bit prejudice, which I am not going to divulge because I pray that God removes that from my heart.
Usually it is not all bad, but what are some of the things that you learned other than the hard lessons of merging two very different lives together. Besides the facts that you both had two different value systems, or maybe it was the moral issues that ripped you apart.
I would definitely hope that you have learned a great deal from those hard lessons.
What else did you learn? Tonight I had fleeting thoughts of what little habits have change with me since I met this man that I committed my life to. They are very small things but they are things that I didn't do or consider before.
I now cook my rice with coconut milk and cinnamon sticks. It is the tastiest white rice that I have ever had. I now use only basmati rice instead of the long grain rice that I grew up with.
I now love the taste of avocado, however I still don't like the guacamole that I have come across so far. I have been told though if I ever eat some good guacamole in Mexico, I would change my mind. Now I can slice an avocado and eat it alone. It is amazingly good for you; the good oils.
I can now differentiate between Swahili and other African languages when I hear it spoken on the streets. My husband spoke both Swahili and Luganda fluently, so I know those two when I hear them.
Unfortunately I also learned to be a bit prejudice, which I am not going to divulge because I pray that God removes that from my heart.
Surprising Source of Anxiety
In less than two weeks I will be under going surgery. I am a little nervous about it all because I have never been in need of a major surgery. I have always been in excellent health. I am still in pretty good health but the body is getting older and in obvious need of some repair. The anxiety of the surgery is not what is most overwhelming, it is actually not being in control of the circumstances surrounding the surgery. I will need someone to be here to cook for me, to clean my house, and to even help me to take a shower. These are all things that we take for granted, at least those of us that have always been able to do these things for ourselves.
My anxiety is actually coming from having to depend on someone else for my basic needs. I realized just how much of a control person I really am. No I am not surprised, but I never thought that my not having total control of ME for even a short period of time would cause such stress.
I must say that I am very fortunate to have a friend of thirty years that volunteered to come out to Los Angeles and make sure that I am taken care of for two weeks. This also relieved my parents from having to come out here from Georgia. My daughter of course wants to come but she is in her last year of college and she needs to take care of finishing that degree. Furthermore this surgery is major but not a matter of life and death, and I will be in good hands.
The idea that I will not be able to do anything for myself is frustrating. Also I have no control over anything, not how my food is cooked, how my house is cleaned, or anything that I use to be in control of. This is funny to a great deal of people and I am starting to find the humor in it all myself, but it was a cause of serious anxiety for me.
I had to just convince myself that none of these things are more important than my health and I am very fortunate to have a friend that loves me enough to leave her family and fly over a thousand miles on her dime to care for me. How do you ever repay that?
Maybe I have earned this kind of loyalty in my friendship but I don't think that it has much to do with me but everything to do with her and who she is as a woman. I guess she loves me and I am thankful for that love.
My anxiety is actually coming from having to depend on someone else for my basic needs. I realized just how much of a control person I really am. No I am not surprised, but I never thought that my not having total control of ME for even a short period of time would cause such stress.
I must say that I am very fortunate to have a friend of thirty years that volunteered to come out to Los Angeles and make sure that I am taken care of for two weeks. This also relieved my parents from having to come out here from Georgia. My daughter of course wants to come but she is in her last year of college and she needs to take care of finishing that degree. Furthermore this surgery is major but not a matter of life and death, and I will be in good hands.
The idea that I will not be able to do anything for myself is frustrating. Also I have no control over anything, not how my food is cooked, how my house is cleaned, or anything that I use to be in control of. This is funny to a great deal of people and I am starting to find the humor in it all myself, but it was a cause of serious anxiety for me.
I had to just convince myself that none of these things are more important than my health and I am very fortunate to have a friend that loves me enough to leave her family and fly over a thousand miles on her dime to care for me. How do you ever repay that?
Maybe I have earned this kind of loyalty in my friendship but I don't think that it has much to do with me but everything to do with her and who she is as a woman. I guess she loves me and I am thankful for that love.
Going Back in Time
What would it mean for you to go back in time? What would you do differently? Why would you want to turn back the clock? How far would you go back?
These are questions that are always talked about. We talk about hindsight be 20/20. If we only had a crystal ball.
Well there is not a great deal that I would change, but of course there are a few things. I would have listened to my parents more. And then there are instances where I would have listened to them less. Parents can only pass on to you what they know and just like your parents and teachers are the ones that create your belief system, someone else also created theirs. Most people don't ever align their belief system with what they have learned, they just don't know how.
Turning back the clock will give you a chance to have a do over, but mostly it will give you more time. You don't have to be younger to do anything these days. Some may wish that they had given birth to their children earlier or later or have gotten married earlier or later. Mostly we just want to have the time to do those things that we believed that we missed out on. A great deal of middle age women want to go back to their younger more glamorous selves. Even though my body was more toned, my hair was longer and fuller, and I had a great deal more energy, I am thoroughly enjoying being almost fifty. I feel more beautiful than before. When I was younger I was not aware of my looks therefore they were not important to me. It is not that it is more important now it is more about how I feel about myself and my life. That is something that radiates to the outside.
How far would I go back if I could go back? That is hard to determine as well. For some reasons I could say about 24, even though I thought my 20's were worst than my teens. So then I would say about 35 years old for vain reason. To me I absolutely looked my best, and was on my way to knowing more about life and where I fit in. Well I was wrong again. So I believe that I will start right where I am. I may feel different 20 years for right now, but there is something to be said about life's journey and with all of it's highs and lows, it is our journey, along with a great deal of lessons just for us. So I am looking forward to the rest of my journey.
The only thing I would really change is I would have slowed down and just enjoyed the journey.
Ask yourself these questions and let me know what you would do if anything, and if not, why.
These are questions that are always talked about. We talk about hindsight be 20/20. If we only had a crystal ball.
Well there is not a great deal that I would change, but of course there are a few things. I would have listened to my parents more. And then there are instances where I would have listened to them less. Parents can only pass on to you what they know and just like your parents and teachers are the ones that create your belief system, someone else also created theirs. Most people don't ever align their belief system with what they have learned, they just don't know how.
Turning back the clock will give you a chance to have a do over, but mostly it will give you more time. You don't have to be younger to do anything these days. Some may wish that they had given birth to their children earlier or later or have gotten married earlier or later. Mostly we just want to have the time to do those things that we believed that we missed out on. A great deal of middle age women want to go back to their younger more glamorous selves. Even though my body was more toned, my hair was longer and fuller, and I had a great deal more energy, I am thoroughly enjoying being almost fifty. I feel more beautiful than before. When I was younger I was not aware of my looks therefore they were not important to me. It is not that it is more important now it is more about how I feel about myself and my life. That is something that radiates to the outside.
How far would I go back if I could go back? That is hard to determine as well. For some reasons I could say about 24, even though I thought my 20's were worst than my teens. So then I would say about 35 years old for vain reason. To me I absolutely looked my best, and was on my way to knowing more about life and where I fit in. Well I was wrong again. So I believe that I will start right where I am. I may feel different 20 years for right now, but there is something to be said about life's journey and with all of it's highs and lows, it is our journey, along with a great deal of lessons just for us. So I am looking forward to the rest of my journey.
The only thing I would really change is I would have slowed down and just enjoyed the journey.
Ask yourself these questions and let me know what you would do if anything, and if not, why.
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