Tuesday, December 8, 2009 | By: Tonya Keitt Kalule

Can you sho' me the drugs!

Well that is exactly where I am three weeks after my surgery. I have been able to handle being here alone, merely moving from the bed, to the bathroom, and finally to the sofa. The lost of appetite, phantom cycle, and the daily misery has all been topped off with not being able to sleep more than two hours at a time. Often times it is 20-30 minutes at any given time. So this means that my body is not getting the rest it needs to heal, but in spite of that my doctor says that I am healing well.

Exactly three weeks after my surgery, the lack of hormones took a turn for the worst. The night before I had the worst night sweats ever. Waking up twice drenched in sweat. This was absolutely more than I was willing to deal with. So I already knew that it was not going to be a good day. Well I was right. I started to feel even more miserable than normal, and felt as though I was falling into a depression. I am just laying on the sofa fighting back tears that want to flow for no apparent reason. Starting to really regret even having this surgery. Asking myself, what have I done to my body? What have I done to my life? Will I ever be the same again? Then there were thoughts of my just wanting to lay there and die. No there were not any suicidal thoughts, but I just wanted it to end, to stop. Then the tears came at full force, and there was no control.
I called my friend in Chicago, who was here to care for me immediately after surgery, and her compassion was unbelievable. She just allowed me to cry, and eventually I stopped and was able to tell her what I was feeling and how bad it had been all day. Then I got a returned call from my doctor, who had just gotten out of surgery at a nearby hospital. She apologizes for not calling me earlier in the day and brought me a prescription for hormone replacement therapy to my house on her way home. I decided the patch would probably be better for me.

Now I was really trying to avoid having to take any type of hormone replacement because of all that has been implicated about these synthetic hormones, but I knew that I was in a place where I needed to do something and I could not do this on my own.


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